HOW TO ESCAPE A CHARGING SILVERBACK GORILLA

Liz got a little too close to this seemingly docile silverback. Then they made eye contact. Then Liz ran. Quickly.

Liz can run. Fast. 

For some of us...that was the biggest shock of our trek into the Mgahinga Gorilla National Park in southwestern Uganda, where we'd come in hopes of getting within spitting distance of a troop of the biggest primates on the planet.

Liz, moments before her "escape."

In truth, there were more amazing moments, like crouching, completely terrified within a few feet of an animal that could use your head as a soccer ball if he felt the need.

But seeing Liz at mach speed -- knocking aside an armed guard, toppling over small trees, running like she was being chased by a wild animal...that's a natural wonder even the world's largest primate might stop and take notice of.

Two hours before Liz's speed test, we had arrived at base camp in Mgahinga with our travel buddies Dougie and Amanda (top-quality Aussies we'd met in Zanzibar weeks before). Former wild animal volunteers in South America, they were even more pumped to get started on the gorilla hunt than we were. 

But first, a friendly, camo-clad park ranger in his early thirties sat us all down for a safety briefing.

L to R: Kip, Liz, Ranger, Dougie and Amanda

First rule: "Don't make eye contact with the gorillas. They will see that as a sign of aggression and could charge." Spoiler: Yes, sadly, if you saw the lovely lady gorilla from Photo Friday last week, you know we didn't do so well with this rule.

Rule two: "If a gorilla charges or makes an aggressive move toward you, DO NOT RUN." The ranger repeated this last bit again, stressing, "Do NOT run. Never run. This may anger the gorillas. Crouch down, and the gorilla will run past you."

"Wait, are you serious, Mr. Ranger?" Yes, he was.

OK, got it. No eye contact. No running. Check. 

Satisfied that we were going to be good rule followers, the ranger radios his trackers, who are somewhere in the mountains above. Good news. They have located the gorilla troop (birds fly in flocks, gorillas roll in troops) only an hour away through dense forest. 

Off we go. The trek started on a fairly well maintained dirt and rock path, dropping briefly below treeline into acres of potato fields (lots of sweet potato production in Uganda) and finally back up underneath the shadows of the jungle canopy, where the trail quickly disappeared. 

Liz, Dougie and Amanda cross sweet potato fields en route to find the gorillas. 

Some 30 minutes later, all of us sweating from following our bushwacking guide up a mountain, we heard what sounded like a large tree falling not far ahead. We stopped short. 

"The gorillas are close," our guide said. "Come, follow me."

Wait, that falling tree was a gorilla? Insert expletive here. 

The gorillas of Mgahinga roam freely, spending part of their year across the border in the Congo and part of it here in Uganda. There are no cages. No feeding times. No schedules.  They are wild, although thanks to years of deliberate and tightly-regulated exposure to humans, they aren't supposed to charge or flee when camera-toting tourists approach.

Liz takes photos of a female from a safe distance.

Tell that to Liz. 

As we near our 60-minute limit with the gorillas (troops receive one tourist group per day for one hour, no exceptions), one of the guards motions us up toward his position, where a silverback is eating at the base of a tree just below. 

Dougie and Amanda go first, staring wide eyed at what has to be one of the most awesome wildlife experiences on the planet. The gorilla ignores them, as he rips off piles of young leaves and shoves them in his mouth. 

Then it's our turn. We ease up cautiously, not wanting to interrupt the breakfast of a 400+ pound primate. Liz leans in to get a closer look, even taking a chance to snap a closeup photo. 

A sudden rustle of bushes. A guttural growl from the gorilla below as he lunges forward. And Liz is gone. Way gone. 

In a twig's snap, she's already passed the machine gun-toting guard, far behind Dougie and Amanda, not even looking back to see if she's being pursued. 

Meanwhile, the guard crouches slowly, putting out his arms palms down, alerting those of us who remain that we should follow his lead. We watch the silverback. We're all short of breath and trying not to urinate. No one moves. 

After a second, the guard stands up slowly, looks at us and then he smiles. 

"Hey, haha, where did your friend go? She run fast! The gorilla is only making a joke. No danger. He's just having fun with the tourist, no charging. Not to worry!"

So funny. Head faked by a gorilla. The most shocking moment of the trek. Liz is fast. 

The big silverback of the group and Liz's new best friend.